The Big 3-5

It's irrational, I know.. But for months I've been dreading turning 35. Even before the break up, I was dreading it.. once I became single again, it was like this dread was amplified. What's the big deal?? I dunno know; 35 just seemed big. Grown up. Like maybe I should have things more figured out than I do, only now I am starting over, without a partner. Valentines and a big birthday in the matter of days- what stress!

I was home from Lodi, and woke up on the big day to bright sunny skies. Ok, this wasn't a bad way to start the day. And you know, all of that angst about the day started to fall away. I mean, there really wasn't much I could do to control this- I was going to be another year older regardless. It felt a little lonely to wake up alone, without T. I admit it. We celebrated our birthdays together for 8 years; now I am celebrating alone.. Well, not entirely alone. I talked to friends on the phone from near and far, got sweet birthday wishes in the mail, and the kids to call and sing me happy birthday. I even talked to T a few times during the day. It was a good day all in all.

My dear, dear friends were having me round to dinner. And I couldn't be happier to be spending the evening with people that I hold so close to my heart. And Ms. H even baked me a cake- what a gal!! Dinner was delicious- some pink bubbles to begin, spicy pork carnitas, lively conversation. I brought a bottle of Trust Cabernet from a previous trip to Walla Walla. I had turned them onto Trust a few years ago, so I knew they would enjoy sharing the wine.. As I was driving over the bridge to their home, I thought it was fitting that I was bringing Trust to dinner. I have to Trust that this is where I am supposed to be in life. I have to Trust that this year of 35 will be grand, in ways that I may not even be able to imagine yet. I have to Trust that I will once again have love in my life. I am to Trust. A pretty damn good mind set to start a new year of life.