Away.

Who doesn't love a long weekend? I took an extra long one this time around, and went on my first trip away, alone. I don't ever remember intentionally traveling alone, except for work. I figured this was something I needed to do, that it would be good for me. I went to Port Townsend, a little Victorian town across the sound from Seattle. I've always enjoyed going there, and it's relatively close while still being away. Met all of my immediate needs. I left Friday morning, and boarded the ferry in a downpour. I arrived in town a short 90 minutes later, making my first stop at Mt Townsend Creamery. It's such a small operation, that they don't do tours of the creamery, just free samples and a lovely little storefront to tempt me. Such delicious cheese though; I bought some tomme style cheese and a truffled formage blanc-- think that will be quite something in a pasta dish this week for dinner.

I wandered around town, doing a little antique shopping. I took myself to a movie in this cool old building. Got a little soup to bring back to the room. Did a lot of reading. On Saturday, I slept in a little and then found myself at breakfast at Sweet Laurettes. It oozed french cafe, with big bowls of cafe au lait and a delicious breakfast. The sun was out, so I went down to the beach and journaled for a bit. Last year was the first year that I wrote out a list of things I wanted to do during the year. Not really resolutions, but a way to keep track of all of my wish list things for the year. I would often look at it, see what I/we had done, what other things remained on the list. I wanted to keep this alive; I think of it as being more thoughtful about what the coming year holds. I was particularly inspired by this post, and thought about the coming year in similar sections: travel, work/business, relationships, health, finances, and activities.

As I soaked up the sun on the craggly beach, I thought of the new place I found myself. Only responsible for me, thinking only of my immediate future. So strange after so many years of thinking in terms of we. What did I want to do with my time, my money, my business, with the people in my life? I knew that there are classes I want to take, places I want to go, things I want to do, and most importantly, be sure that the people in my life know just how much I love them, appreciate them and the unending support they've given me. I couldn't have gotten through these past 4 months without them. Some things on my list I already have in motion. That feels a little gratifying.

Traveling alone. Yes, it's only a few hours away, but I traveled there, and I was alone. And it was ok. I could do what I wanted, when I wanted, and take as much time as I wanted rooting around the antique stores. I still felt pangs; pangs of memories of the last time I visited with T, pangs of wishing I were holed up in my sweet little room with my lover. But it was good to be there, and I had a lot of time to think. Think about what I wanted. I've been so focused on the situation at hand, and spending so much time wondering why it all happened, that I haven't really thought about what I want. Now, what do I want?

A little retail therapy never hurt the emotional journey either. As I meandered through the antique stores, I found myself thinking of the people who were selling their things, heirlooms of their lives. You could easily tell that each little nook belonged to someone different, a consignment shop of sorts. I wondered about the women who loved to entertain, with the assortment of lovely linen cocktail napkins or crystal glassware. I wondered what they were like, what they served at the parties and why didn't their children keep these things, to use for their own parties? After much deliberation, I bought a 1920's Dazey Churn butter maker. It was a smaller version of the Dazey Churn that we used at the farm, to make sweet, fresh butter. It wasn't cheap, but I knew that I would use it, and every time I made fresh butter, I would think of my time on the farm. How it touched so many places in my soul. I also found a few vintage salt cellars to add to my collection.